Today I want to dive deeper into some of the soul-searching I’m doing. For me personally, I’m really focusing these thoughts on my own heart, and how it applies, specifically, in my marriage and towards my kids.
1. Why do we take the positives for granted. Why is it that I can call out my wife if she doesn’t measure up to my expectations so quickly; yet fail to thank her for all the positives. (and of course, the other way around – like I said yesterday, I’m the perpetrator, but also the victim, as are all of us)
2. Why is it so dang important that the positives be recognized? For me, it’s almost like I don’t care if I get reinforcement from the positives, as long as there isn’t undue light on the negatives. I even take my own positives for granted. Don’t want to acknowledge my good stuff … I think I’m OK with that … as long as you don’t bring up the negative. (and just to ease any lingering questions, I’ve honestly been pondering this for months, so though this episode plays out at home and work frequently, it’s not like I’m venting hidden marriage issues here!).
3. What is it about the negatives that are so strong? I really think it’s the hurt. The hurt causes pain, and the pain speaks louder than, well … “the lack of”.
So … pain is loud. The lack of pain is … silent?
So maybe … just maybe, the lack of pain, grief, negativity needs a sound. Praise. Applause. Affirmation.
This was a recent exchange at my house after two back-to-back things were complained about:
“I feel like I can’t do anything right”.
Does that ring a bell? Two complaints (I was the complainer, and unjustly I might add) now cover “everything I do” being wrong. Why?
The complaints (especially when they are unjust) hurt. That pain is loud.
All the things done right? (the actual ratio would be 1 million right to 1 wrong, maybe, yet the “weighting factor” applied is reversed!)
There probably wasn’t much noise.
See where I’m going with this? Tomorrow I hope to bring this to a close and let’s talk about some practical ways to make some noise.
Are you with me? Am I alone?
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