This is Wrong in So Many Ways – Part 2

Yesterday I brought up a real issue – the issue of how easily we allow the negatives to outweigh the positives.  If you missed that post and the ongoing discussion, I’d encourage you to check it out.

Today I want to dive deeper into some of the soul-searching I’m doing.  For me personally, I’m really focusing these thoughts on my own heart, and how it applies, specifically, in my marriage and towards my kids.

For example:

1.  Why do we take the positives for granted.  Why is it that I can call out my wife if she doesn’t measure up to my expectations so quickly; yet fail to thank her for all the positives.  (and of course, the other way around – like I said yesterday, I’m the perpetrator, but also the victim, as are all of us)

2.  Why is it so dang important that the positives be recognized?  For me, it’s almost like I don’t care if I get reinforcement from the positives,  as long as there isn’t undue light on the negatives.  I even take my own positives for granted.  Don’t want to acknowledge my good stuff … I think I’m OK with that … as long as you don’t bring up the negative.  (and just to ease any lingering questions, I’ve honestly been pondering this for months, so though this episode plays out at home and work frequently, it’s not like I’m venting hidden marriage issues here!).

3.  What is it about the negatives that are so strong?  I really think it’s the hurt.  The hurt causes pain, and the pain speaks louder than, well … “the lack of”.

So … pain is loud.  The lack of pain is … silent?

So maybe … just maybe, the lack of pain, grief, negativity needs a sound.  Praise.  Applause.  Affirmation.

This was a recent exchange at my house after two back-to-back things were complained about:

“I feel like I can’t do anything right”.

Does that ring a bell?  Two complaints (I was the complainer, and unjustly I might add) now cover “everything I do” being wrong.  Why?
The complaints (especially when they are unjust) hurt.  That pain is loud.
All the things done right?  (the actual ratio would be 1 million right to 1 wrong, maybe, yet the “weighting factor” applied is reversed!)

There probably wasn’t much noise.

See where I’m going with this?  Tomorrow I hope to bring this to a close and let’s talk about some practical ways to make some noise.

Are you with me?  Am I alone?

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Fred McKinnon is a Pianist/Composer from St. Simons Island, GA. Checkout the full BIO for more information and a complete bio. Worship Interludes Podcast - This podcast features instrumentals for prayer, meditation, soaking worship, relaxation, study music, and rest. Visit the Podcast page to listen or subscribe. Follow on Social MediaFacebookYouTubeInstagramTwitter

6 comments on This is Wrong in So Many Ways – Part 2

  1. Jan Owen says:

    we don’t say thank you often enough and i think that affects not just those who need to be affirmed, but also us. Thanksgiving is a spiritual discipline and if we “enter HIS courts with thanksgiving” it just might help us in our human relationships as well. Basically, the attitude adjustment that comes with being grateful changes us. So when we fail to stop, to pay attention, to express our gratitude, we fail those around us, but we also have an underdeveloped heart. We do not have a grateful spirit. We are absorbed in our own needs and wants and irritations. We are immature in our love.

    And frankly, it takes about 100 positives to counteract even one negative because they do hurt and many times are fairly unjust and the result of alot of failure to be empathetic and understanding. And when we feel judged we tend to shut down in a relationship. After all, I’m not going to be open with someone who I feel doesn’t appreciate me or like me….

    1. Jan,
      You make some great points. I think the whole “shutting down” after you feel judged is valid. Maybe the very nature of the negativity and the hurt caused by it is a fact of life … I guess, I mean … I’m not sure if it’s something that is … I’m not even sure what I”m thinking, actually … hmmm … chewing … chewing.

  2. I see that Jesus will usually start out a conversation that is to have correction or rebuke by stating the positive first:

    Revelations 2:1-4 is an example of this. I think we can “take the sting out” of a confrontation if we will simply talk about the good we see in them, too!

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