FredMcKinnon.Com

Hello friends, family, loyal readers, and occasional visitors!

This is one of those “I just gotta unload a few things” posts. One of those where I just need to express some burdens on me, get you all to pray for me, and hopefully by blogging this, it will relieve some of the noise in my head. It’s kinda long … so you speed readers will choose to skip this blog. That’s OK. I’ll miss those possible comments … but tonight isn’t about comments, although they are welcome. It’s about unloading.

Ever just get to a place where you want to find the “off switch” to your mind, and just flip it for a while. I’m that way tonight. Though, I’ve got a good 3-4 hours of business accounting to take care of. I was going to tackle that last night, but instead was preparing for and participating in a 2-1/2 hour long iChat with a group of bloggers, innovators, writers, and leaders about the upcoming v2 of TheWorshipCommunity.Com.

So here’s the deal. My mind is full with more ideas than I can handle. Most of you know, I’m the Full-Time Worship Director for my church. That takes plenty of time already … time that I absolutely love, and that I’m passionate about. At the same time, I have this entrepreneurial-business side of me that is constantly tweaking, testing, implementing, and engaging in various business ideas – most of them online.

I’m a crossroads in my e-biz … prayerfully considering implementing some tools that could ramp up the volume dramatically. These tools are costly … they would be an investment, and if they ramped up volume, I’d certainly need to hire help so that I’m not distracted from ministry. I’ve been wrestling with this “move” for months. I keep shoving it in the background, but it keeps resurfacing. When it comes to business, I’m typically much more prone to take risks … I typically don’t find myself being very patient.

Blogging and TheWorshipCommunity.Com are both ministry-focused and leadership-focused. Both are things I feel important about, and are extensions of the spiritual gifts and temperament that God gave me.

Beyond that, there are so many other things. Some of them come, go, and are gone for good. Others stick around. One such “idea” has been nagging me for months. It has NOTHING to do with ministry, and is more associated with e-biz. It’s a resource that doesn’t exist (that I can find), that I would be using like crazy if it DID exist .. and that could be a profitable thing to potentially “sell” down the road.

Don’t forget – I’m a musician and writer. I have melodies, lyrics, hooks, phrases banging around in there, too. Sadly, these aren’t getting from my head to the recording platform as they should. For that reason, I’m doing my best to unplug from blogging, twittering, etc., at least one day a week and spend that time focused on creativity, writing, and praying for the implementation of those creative gifts, and how they can best be utilized at my church and in ministry.

Robert Pooley, Craig Walker, and Bobby Lepinay get to hear this vent every year at our annual fasting/prayer retreat. They usually peg me on a few things.

You see … obviously, nobody can really do all those things effectively. I was hearing Dave Ramsey teaching a small business seminar recently and he devoted a big portion to the “power of focus”. I realize that all day long.

Still, I find myself praying, “God, I want to focus, I’ll gladly let go of what You say let go … but all this stuff just keeps coming to me”. “God, can’t you PLEASE turn it off”?

Thus, my dilemma. I get torn. Torn between, “am I supposed to just somehow get rid of this other stuff”, or “maybe God made me this way, as miserable as it is sometimes [and as exciting as it is sometimes, and as exhausting as it is MOST times, and as rewarding as it is sometimes, and as challenging as it ALL the time]“.

Today, I really felt the weight. I’ve become painfully aware of plates falling to the ground recently. I’m at a point with a couple of these “decisions” and “ideas” that I MUST move on them or CRUCIFY them. Then, I say to myself “I think I’ve crucified them before, and they keep coming back”. With that weight comes the fatigue that even 8+ hours of sleep won’t touch.

One thing is certain. God’s yoke is easy. God’s burdens are light.

So, tomorrow morning, I may feel completely different. It’s not like I’ve been walking around oppressed for weeks. I just really felt the weight today. My chest is heavy. I’m tired. But I’ll be OK!

Tomorrow is Wednesday. I’m unplugging from blog’ville. I’m unplugging from Twitterville. I’ll be fasting the whole day, and I’ll be leading 1+ hour of prayer/worship from 12:00 Noon – 1:15′ish PM. Then, I’ll be doing it again from 6:00 – 7:00 PM at our church. I’ll be available for phone calls and reply to some emails, and whatever planning/meetings I need to be a part of at church … but for the most part, I hope to have my door closed, and my heart tuned into God’s Presence, His Creative Power, His Divine Wisdom, and His refreshing love tomorrow.

See you on Thursday.
Fred