This is Wrong in So Many Ways

Mar

This is Wrong in So Many Ways

Posted on March 9th, 2010 in Faith, Life and Family by Fred McKinnon

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There is something I’ve observed in life that is totally wrong. Yet, I find myself both the victim and the perpetrator of this injustice every day.

I call it the “weighting factor” of doing the right thing versus screwing up.

I get the concept of a “weighting factor” from survey results and demographics. For example, let’s talk about CCLI (Christian Copyright Licensing) and how they pay royalties.

If you report usage of a song, that counts as a credit. However, if your church has a larger congregation that credit is multiplied by a “weighting factor”. The bigger the church, the bigger the “weighting factor”. ASCAP, BMI, and performance societies do the same thing based on radio plays and listener area.

So, if your song is played on the radio for a small station, the weighting factor may be “x2″. But if it’s played on a big station with millions of listeners, it may be “x10″.

I see this “weighting factor” played out every day in real life when we count “good deeds” or “getting it right” versus “screwing up”.

For example – I can pretty much say the right things, do the right things, be in the right places, and have the right answers all week long. For each of those “getting it right” the weighting factor seems to be “x1″ … or maybe, “x .1″ … or maybe, it seems to not count at all.

But one screwup.
But one mistake.
But one outburst of frustration.

What is the weighting factor on that response? Heck, it’s like “x100″.

All it takes is one screwup to wipe out a month’s worth of “getting it right”.

This plays out in my marriage.
This plays out in my work.
This plays out in my family and how I interact with my kids.

And you know what?

IT IS TOTALLY WRONG.

I want to elaborate tomorrow. This is enough to ponder today. Am I alone? Do you agree? Disagree?

http://www.russhutto.com Russ Hutto

Yes, it is totally wrong, but man, I am so guilty of this.

You know what we also do (as believers)…we add that weighing factor to OTHERS’ sins as we commit them ourselves.

Oh, he got busted for xyz (x1000!!) while I’m hiding it well (x1). Pretty crazy!

Or if it’s a particular sin we don’t like as much as our own…we attach that weighing factor to it and judge based on our personal preferences. Example: homosexuality. I have a hard time with not attaching a weighing factor to this because of the way I was raised (and the region of the country) but homosexuality is no more or less sinful than fornication or adultery or even lust. Sin is sin is sin.

Lord, help us all.

http://www.fredmckinnon.com Fred McKinnon

Russ,
True on both counts. Your first remark reminds me of Randy Elrod’s famous quote, “I’m tired of people being fired by people who haven’t been caught”.

http://www.robmckinnon.net Robert McKinnon

Woe be unto us all, Fred. In the words of Joyce Myers, “We judge ourselves by our INTENTIONS, while judging others by their ACTIONS.”

When we actually SEE it, though, it is easy to make a change in our lives. It’s easier for us to extend grace and mercy because we see OUR problem.

But I regress. You said tomorrow.

http://www.fredmckinnon.com Fred McKinnon

Hey Robert,
Yeah, change is tough. I want to change the balance of the scales – I can’t do much about how I may be impacted on the receiving end of the “weighting factor”, but I can do something about how I respond … TOMORROW.

Judi Castro

Oh my yes it is wrong and it is the very thing I find myself dealing with today. One of our adult children revealed something to us last night that sent us reeling and then the Holy Spirit began to illuminate my own heart. “Oh what a wretched man am I” Paul cried and I along with him. In looking at the sins of my friends children I inwardly would think, won’t happen to our kids, we parented better. HA! Not! It never ceases to amaze me that when we stand in judgement of someone else that before long we are walking in the same situation. God forgive me for pride and a judmental attitude.

http://www.fredmckinnon.com Fred McKinnon

Judi,
Ah yes, and how quickly we can let that issue of failure (or perceived failure) wipe out all the gracious, wonderful traits and value that person (in this case, one of your adult children) has …

The scales are tilting …

http://www.chrismoncusphoto.com/ Chris Moncus

Yeah dude. I see it in my own life, mostly in my response to friends and family. I’ve been trying to level it out or even give more weight to wins instead of fails. What makes it worse is that my wife is quick to forgive my fails of incorrectly weighting my response to her fails. That barely made sense. Try again. Amanda quickly forgives me for not quickly forgiving her. The single greatest influence for being a better forgiver is my wife who does it so well. So I’m trying, trying hard, to praise far more than I get upset. Thusfar I can see it making our relationship less stressed and I recognize God’s grace in my life the more I participate in giving grace. I’m not perfect, but I’m better. I hope to be more better tomorrow.

http://www.fredmckinnon.com Fred McKinnon

Chris, that’s awesome – count your blessings, bro! Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me about Amanda at all.

I think the fact that the “screwup” causes some hurt, frustration, disappointment or pain … that makes the weighting factor go up … but that still is screwed up … the pain from a screwup makes us put more weight on that event … yet the joy in the non-screwups goes unnoticed and taken for granted.

Tad Perryman

So just pulled this quote “We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done.” ~Longfellow from a friends tweet right before reading yours. It was ringing true and then you have to put it back on me to find the plank versus speck. See even the Word weights the description for us to consider the imbalance.

How do we get out of this mathematics equation of taking different failures, sins and judgements to the Nth degree? Where we get to choose the integer to insert for N. I think a mirror is needed.

Thanks for posing the question and making me reflect on the situation.

@TADvertising
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=613030297 Wayne Thomas

Man, you are hitting home with this one, brother. I see this dynamic playing out in my life all the time, as well. Love keeps no record of wrongs. Our sins are covered by the blood of Jesus, once and for all. God doesn’t drudge up the sins of our past. In fact, he forgets all about them. But what do WE do? We’ll let admirable behavior go unnoticed for days, weeks, even months… yet we’ll fire on someone when they step out of line the least little bit. There is no grace. Where is the grace? Where is the fruit of God in our lives/behavior called grace?!! To me, this is a huge wound on today’s “church-at-large”. Very few of us issue grace to those around us, even those that we say we love. I’m guilty, as charged. Perpetrator #1, signing off.

http://www.fredmckinnon.com Fred McKinnon

wayne,
you are so right – “love keeps no record of wrongs”. Oh, that I could love like that. Problem is, even we don’t keep a record … it’s like the one wrong wipes out a thousand rights.

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http://kassota.wordpress tam

i agree with you.

ive found in people, and many times in myself, we strive to look for the negative, the mess-ups, the ugly truths in people. cuz, dang, it makes us feel better about ourselves.

it speaks volumes of who we are as a society. we are insecure. most dont know where their significance lies. and if we dont know that then we tend to look for self-worth in other peoples mistakes as we tear them down. in doing that, we are temporarily built up. even if its a false and shaky pedestal.

doing the right things, saying the right thing is always expected but rarely recognized by others.

my .02cents

http://www.fredmckinnon.com Fred McKinnon

Tam,
Interesting point – I wonder just how much of it actually has to do with our own lack of self worth.

Even more than that … which could be the root of why we respond that way … what frustrates me to no end … is that it happens, regardless.

http://mikeymo1741.blogspot.com Mike Mahoney

My Dad used to tell you there were two kinds of responses to things you did: “Atta boy’s” and … well let’s call it “Aw, crud.”

When you do something right, you get an “Atta boy!”

When you mess up, you get an “Aw, crud!”

Here’s the kicker (or the weighting): One “Aw, crud” wipes out all your “Atta boy’s.”
http://www.sarahmarkley.com Sarah Markley

i think I’m the one (in my own marriage) that is guilty of this. I’m the one who kinda knocks out a whole month of good things when my husband does one thing wrong.

Isn’t that true of so much though?

For example, i might get 20 people that tell me they like my blog, but then I get one screwy comment and the 20 don’t matter much anymore.

something to think about, fred.

http://www.fredmckinnon.com Fred McKinnon

Sarah,
So right … you know, one negative remark can sour an entire batch of goodness. I think of our church “eval” meetings and it’s like we have to find SOMETHING to critique, or we feel like we’ve missed it somehow.

Tracie

It’s easier to talk the talk than walk the walk. We all judge unfairly it’s human. I have been on both ends of this scenario. I have judged unfairly and been judged unfairly. But the truth is I have also found out the true character of people on how they act towards my mess ups, even Christians, after I have repented. Some of them have been hurtful and discouraging. I think repenetance should somehow be factored into the equation though, definitely.

http://www.fredmckinnon.com Fred McKinnon

Tracie,
Spot on … not even so much immediately afterwards … but LONG afterwards.

http://luigiworship.blogspot.com/ Louis Tagliaboschi

I am right in line with what you are saying. I am especially guilty of this at the church. It is totally wrong, I know it, and yet, I allow it inside my head, and I let it effect my mood, and my performance afterward. There is proof in my tweets from earlier in the day today.
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http://kitpalmer.wordpress.com Kit Palmer

There is a saying in the manufacturing industry: “You are only as good as your last screw-up.” It is bad enough to work in that kind of environment in a “secular” job. It is truly unfortunate that it is rampant in the church as well. Moreover, it is horrifying that I see it in my own life! This is actually something God has been challenging me on lately (in my personal and professional life)…timely word Fred!
http://mandythompson.com mandythompson

We even add this weighing factor to others’ feedback.

100 compliments can be erased by 1 critical comment.

Why is this the case?!
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http://Heatherblankenship.wordpress.com Heather B

I tend to agree with Tam’s comment above, actually almost verbatim what I was thinking. Personally though, It depends on the person criticizing me as to how much weight I allow their words to affect me. There are some people whose opinion means a lot to me and there are many whose opinion I really could careless about.
I feel like my thoughts are a bit jumbled tonight… darn the cold meds!
Hopefully this makes more sense than I think it does!
http://jenniclayville.com Jenni Clayville

so our job is to build up with 100 encouragements, so that when the one bad comes out… the chances of grace covering it is much higher.

i do this… a LOT. the bad, that is. *sigh*

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