FredMcKinnon.Com

Hey Gang,

Where do you go (or to whom do you go?) when you need wisdom and guidance in a certain situation?  Do you have a mentor?  A best friend?  A pastor?

Of course, we should go to GOD … ask, seek, and knock.  Pray.  Study His Word.  Listen for His voice.  I’m not lessening the value of that at all … but God also will choose to use people in our lives to give us this wisdom and guidance.

I also realize that “where you go/to whom you go” will vary on the situation.

I’m at yet another crossroads in my business (outside of the church) … and need wisdom and guidance like never before.  I’m at that place where I’m saying “who do I talk to”?

How ’bout you?

“Everybody knows that Santa Claus is not real”.

That’s what my oldest, Jon Michael (9) proclaimed, virtually out of nowhere, last night at the dinner table.  The younger 3 siblings (7, 5 and 3) seemed too busy eating their dinner to pay attention.  Not to mention my quick dampening of the subject.

Why does this come out at the dinner table in March?

Well, I had the “Santa” talk with my 9-year old this morning.  It’s one of many “you’re growing up” talks we’ll have over the years, I’m sure.  He wasn’t phased a bit.

We’ve always stressed that Christmas is about the birth of Jesus Christ.  We don’t open presents until we’ve read through that great story from the Bible.

But … we decided to allow our kids to enjoy the mystery and fantasy of “Santa Claus”.  I realize this is debated among Christian parents, and that’s OK.  Each parent should prayerfully decide for themselves, right?

One of the main things I wanted to ask my inquisitive 9-year old was if he felt that Mom and Dad had lied to him or betrayed him.  After all, that’s one of the things I hear a lot.

To my relief, he said “not at all” and was thankful that we let them enjoy the mystery.  I tried to cast some excitement (though it’s still 8+ months away) for this year so that he could share in the fun with the younger siblings.  (Though he’s certain that our 7-yr old already has the clue)

We’ll see.

Anybody want to share their parental “Santa” stories?

Yesterday I brought up a real issue – the issue of how easily we allow the negatives to outweigh the positives.  If you missed that post and the ongoing discussion, I’d encourage you to check it out.

Today I want to dive deeper into some of the soul-searching I’m doing.  For me personally, I’m really focusing these thoughts on my own heart, and how it applies, specifically, in my marriage and towards my kids.

For example:

1.  Why do we take the positives for granted.  Why is it that I can call out my wife if she doesn’t measure up to my expectations so quickly; yet fail to thank her for all the positives.  (and of course, the other way around – like I said yesterday, I’m the perpetrator, but also the victim, as are all of us)

2.  Why is it so dang important that the positives be recognized?  For me, it’s almost like I don’t care if I get reinforcement from the positives,  as long as there isn’t undue light on the negatives.  I even take my own positives for granted.  Don’t want to acknowledge my good stuff … I think I’m OK with that … as long as you don’t bring up the negative.  (and just to ease any lingering questions, I’ve honestly been pondering this for months, so though this episode plays out at home and work frequently, it’s not like I’m venting hidden marriage issues here!).

3.  What is it about the negatives that are so strong?  I really think it’s the hurt.  The hurt causes pain, and the pain speaks louder than, well … “the lack of”.

So … pain is loud.  The lack of pain is … silent?

So maybe … just maybe, the lack of pain, grief, negativity needs a sound.  Praise.  Applause.  Affirmation.

This was a recent exchange at my house after two back-to-back things were complained about:

“I feel like I can’t do anything right”.

Does that ring a bell?  Two complaints (I was the complainer, and unjustly I might add) now cover “everything I do” being wrong.  Why?
The complaints (especially when they are unjust) hurt.  That pain is loud.
All the things done right?  (the actual ratio would be 1 million right to 1 wrong, maybe, yet the “weighting factor” applied is reversed!)

There probably wasn’t much noise.

See where I’m going with this?  Tomorrow I hope to bring this to a close and let’s talk about some practical ways to make some noise.

Are you with me?  Am I alone?

There is something I’ve observed in life that is totally wrong.  Yet, I find myself both the victim and the perpetrator of this injustice every day.

I call it the “weighting factor” of doing the right thing versus screwing up.

I get the concept of a “weighting factor” from survey results and demographics.  For example, let’s talk about CCLI (Christian Copyright Licensing) and how they pay royalties.

If you report usage of a song, that counts as a credit.  However, if your church has a larger congregation that credit is multiplied by a “weighting factor”.  The bigger the church, the bigger the “weighting factor”.  ASCAP, BMI, and performance societies do the same thing based on radio plays and listener area.

So, if your song is played on the radio for a small station, the weighting factor may be “x2″.  But if it’s played on a big station with millions of listeners, it may be “x10″.

I see this “weighting factor” played out every day in real life when we count “good deeds” or “getting it right” versus “screwing up”.

For example – I can pretty much say the right things, do the right things, be in the right places, and have the right answers all week long.  For each of those “getting it right” the weighting factor seems to be “x1″ … or maybe, “x .1″ … or maybe, it seems to not count at all.

But one screwup.
But one mistake.
But one outburst of frustration.

What is the weighting factor on that response?  Heck, it’s like “x100″.

All it takes is one screwup to wipe out a month’s worth of “getting it right”.

This plays out in my marriage.
This plays out in my work.
This plays out in my family and how I interact with my kids.

And you know what?

IT IS TOTALLY WRONG.

I want to elaborate tomorrow.  This is enough to ponder today.  Am I alone?  Do you agree?  Disagree?