I Repent

repent_Dear God,

I repent.

I’ve allowed life to overwhelm me.  I’ve allowed our crazy culture to overtake me.

I say I love you, but I don’t show you that affection as I should.

I should be so grateful.  You’ve given me so many blessings.  An incredible family, an amazing church, and an unbelievably amazing wife.  I complained to her recently, that with her schedule, keeping up with four young kids, all of their activities, plus a house to manage, I feel like I’m last place.  I complained that by the time I get time with her, she’s spent.  I get the leftovers, if there are any.

Then, it dawned on me.  That’s exactly how you feel about me.

I get preoccupied with social networking, with this blog, with subscribers, stats, comments, or the lack thereof.  I get preoccupied with business ideas and networking plans that I’m positive come from your Spirit; yet, they become idols instead of tools.

I lead others in worship and serve you – it’s my job.  I love it, and I love Your Presence, so why do I ignore it so often?  Why do I reject you so often?  Why would I rather stay up late watching meaningless TV shows only to regret it in the morning when I’m too tired to worship you in my private, hidden life?  Why is there dust on my piano, and why do I never make music to you on my own anymore?  You created me for this, yet I constantly fall to petty distractions.

I allow lustful thoughts to spark around in my mind until they ignite into a fire.  Then, I have to fight to put it out.

I ignore Your Holy Spirit, constantly speaking and convicting me about the lack of care I have for my physical body.

I get too worked up over what others think about me.  I get consumed with the desire to be accepted by everyone else, forgetting that you accept me regardless.

I spend more time typing in a blog or Twitter than I do in Your Word.   No wonder I’m so screwed up.  Do I really believe, even for a second, that ANYONE out there has more to offer than YOU?

God, I’m really sorry.  It grieves me.  I’m grateful for our time together this morning.  I’m grateful for your love, mercy, and acceptance.  I’m really eager for you to speak to me.  I want wisdom.  I will do whatever You say.  Please order my steps.

Your Word is my prayer this morning:

5 Oh, that my steps might be steady, keeping to the course you set;
Then I’d never have any regrets in comparing my life with your counsel.
(Psalm 119: 5-6, “The Message”)

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Fred McKinnon is a Pianist/Composer from St. Simons Island, GA. Checkout the full BIO for more information and a complete bio. Worship Interludes Podcast - This podcast features instrumentals for prayer, meditation, soaking worship, relaxation, study music, and rest. Visit the Podcast page to listen or subscribe. Follow on Social MediaFacebookYouTubeInstagramTwitter

36 comments on “I Repent

  1. Alastair says:

    Great stuff Fred.

  2. Thanks for this post.

    God be praised in all we do!

  3. You read my mind this morning. This is my heart’s cry!

    1. Erika – I can’t say I read your mind, only that I’ll show you what’s in mine, and often, it’s not so pretty!

  4. Oh my! Your conviction has become mine, brother. Thank you for this tender and strong jerk back to reality – the REAL reality – that Jesus is all.

  5. RV Cate says:

    That is one of the BEST you have ever written Fred, and it is because it is truth and true life stuff and you knowing who is really in charge of these “life” things, I am so with you on these thoughts and I ask for His forgiveness for my ignoring Him all too often. God Bless, RV

    1. Thanks, RV –
      Man, we missed you last night – I was soooo much wanting some congas!

  6. Daddy says:

    If truth be known, anyone who reads this post can identify with it; therefore, true repentance is absolutely required. There is a vast difference in true repentance and “I’m sorry.” True repentance brings with it both a cleansing,which results in a “refreshing” (according to the Scriptures). And it also produces a fruit that is manifested in our daily lives. I know….I’ve been there many times. A powerful post. I’m proud of you and I love you. YOU ARE HIGHLY VALUED!

    1. Dad,
      I’d be willing to bet that I’m the envy of many folks who read this to see that I have a Dad who would encourage me like that! Thanks.

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  8. Charlie says:

    Thanks for a great post. Can relate to pretty much every word you wrote.
    God bless you for your honesty and your desire to search for completely.

    1. Charlie,
      Thank you for stopping by – I’m glad it connected.

  9. Thanks Fred.

    You voiced a lot of things that I had been trying to figure out. (about me, not you…)

  10. OUCH!!! I think I’m speechless, what more could be said about personal character accountability. Talk about a ‘big elephant’ being in the room??? Great post!!!

    1. Hey,
      Yep – I like to address the elephant!

  11. dawn says:

    beautiful and inspiring

    1. and heart wrenching, shameful, risky …

  12. Michiel says:

    Hi Fred,

    That was the best blogpost i’ve read in months. Thanks for sharing.

    Switching off distraction right now. I need to get back to the heart of God, too.

    Thanks again.

    1. Hey – so, how was your retreat away? Did you unplug and listen? Did God speak?

  13. Shawn says:

    DANG dude. That’s a kick to the you-know-what’s right there. Thank you for this beautiful reminder of who we are in our eyes and in His eyes.

  14. Pokinatcha says:

    That was really good post! Thanks for sharing. Sometimes I get mad at my kids about stuff and then think, I do that same stuff to God all the time. He doesn’t react to me in the way I react.

  15. Jennifer says:

    Wow… exactly what has been plaguing me this week. (and I wonder why I’m feeling frustrated so much!)
    Thank you for sharing your heart with the rest of us.

  16. Randy Neufeld says:

    Fred, God has used you to hit me across the side of the head with a 2×4. Thank you for allowing yourself to be so vulnerable.

    Your post has given me a long overdue wake-up-call …. and for that, I thank you.

    In HIS Hands,

    1. Randy,
      Hey, if my lament and confession causes even one of my brothers or sisters to take a step back and look at themselves, too – it was worth being vulnerable!

      1. Randy Neufeld says:

        And it did. I got up this morning, and thanked God for a beautiful first day of Spring in Saskatchewan.

        Be blessed my brother,

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  18. Jack says:

    Good Word! Thanks for being transparent!

  19. Samantha says:

    Wow. I know exactly what you mean. Thank you.

  20. ckroboth says:

    This is amazing, and thank you for the honesty in your writing.

    1. Thanks – it was tough to write .. publicly … but I see that it resonates with others. A bit of honesty and transparency, though risky, can really set us free, don’t you think?

  21. Thanks for a great example and a great reminder Fred.

    1. Brent, I suppose that’s about as real as it gets. Thanks for stopping by!

  22. tam says:

    talk about conviction. you share a struggle that is known to all of us here. only, you were bold enough to put it out here for us to read.

    thank you, friend.

    1. Thanks, Tam – I’m glad to know I’m not alone!

      1. Ben says:

        Fred, amazing words that speak to my spirit. I’m grieving this morning as my Dad died a few hours ago, and am talking to God in just the same fresh, raw way. I have almost the exact same battles that you write of, and grieve my lost priorities and God’s “last place” deeply. I don’t know if the two seem to fit together this morning as they’re both Daddy, my earthly Dad and heavenly Father: losing one pushes me closer to the other and helps me realise how far I’ve slipped away from Him.
        Ben (Stavanger, Norway)

        1. Ben,
          Thanks so much for your reply – I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad, and offer prayers of peace to you. I hope that my prayer of repentance, and all that is happening in your life will draw you closer to the God who loves you more than anything.

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